November 18, 2009

Due to a conversation had on a walk last night I've been perusing the Old Blog and found this, and am going to re-post it here. Old Blog holds a special place in my heart and I think from time to time I'm going to carry an old post over here, just because.

Enjoy.

The movie You've Got Mail holds a special place in my heart. Maybe I identified with the idea of falling in love again, because at the time I'd just had my very first heartbreak when I came across it while channel-surfing, listless and sad, on the couch. It made me cry because it seemed (and still seems) so pure.

There's a line in it where Tom Hanks as Joe Fox says:

Don't you love New York in the fall? It makes me want to buy school supplies. I would send you a bouquet of newly-sharpened pencils if I knew your name and address.

And whenever it starts to get cool and I throw on my jacket I think of that line and the New York streets I've never seen in real life and I smile a little bit and wonder if maybe someone would be charmed if I sent them a bouquet of pencils? Would they smile and remember being young, or would it be a reminder of times long-past? Painful first-days and pre-teen dances.

I love back-to-school sales, the smell of plastic and double-lined paper. Duo tangs and Bic pens that come in packages of varying colors and gym bags that for the moment smell like rubber instead of old socks. I feel very at-home in stores like Staples, I could wander the aisles for hours inspecting the over-sized calendars and imagining the future things the Post-Its would say:

Gone for coffee, be back soon.
Colonoscopy @ 2:45 tomorrow
Your poodle's haircut looks stupid

and so on.

Casual warmth is a big part of Autumn; Pumpkin Spice lattés sipped through varying colored scarves that don't quite protect against the biting northern wind. People bundled up in their pre-winter wear, pea coats and wool gloves too thin to wear in December. Knitted toques with pom-poms on the top that would let too much heat escape in two weeks' time to be practical. It's such a charming time of year.

"I'm just a little chilly" is so much more endearing than "I can't feel my fucking toes".

The leaves will change color and fall maybe a little too quickly and I'll refrain from jumping in every neatly-raked pile as I listen to Your Red Right Ankle with my little bag of carry-out sushi headed for home. I'll watch the mighty river fight against the frost as it slowly freezes over, leaning over the ledge of the Osborne bridge tapping my fingers to Somewhere Only We Know.

I'll breathe out as the river passes below me, see a cloud of mist and wonder if it's just carbon dioxide or maybe more? Forgotten hopes, empty dreams, broken hearts leaving me. Autumn makes me aware of change, of things that shrivel and die and maybe don't come back but more often than not re-emerge with the time is right even more beautiful and powerful than before.

I'll be reminded of the path my life has taken, and where it will go. How unpredictable the world can be, how from one day to the next everything can change with a word, a thought, a sigh. It frightens me a bit, but I know that I can always rely on Autumn, my time of reflection and growth, of lattés and scarves and Number Two pencils, to remind me that everything will work out in the end.