March 7, 2012

is sitting with two other girls who are enraptured with his red hair and beard and lumberjack style and are eating their pre-class dinners and staring at him intently

while he bitches about his girlfriend

not cool, guy sitting at the next table.

how would you feel if your girlfriend -who it sounds like is a pretty nice chick, from what I'm eavesdropping- were sitting at a table bitching about you to two dudes who are staring at her with the same hungry-wolf intent that these two chicks are?

you wouldn't be feeling like such a hot lumberjack, would you?

no amount of pom-pom toques, no many variations of plaid, no number of piles of faded and torn jeans, no collections of scuffed loafers would be able to mend your broken heart
I bet
but here you are slamming her to these girls who -I should add- aren't being very nice to her either

a word of advice, jerkoff lumberjack guy:
don't take relationship advice from girls who are trying to eyefuck you while saying stuff like "well I've never met her but"
don't take relationship advice from someone who doesn't even know your significant other, Mr Logrider!
didn't you learn anything in the Great White North?
besides how to wrestle moose and blow up beaver dams and know which leaves to wipe with so you won't get poison ivy
I mean.

maybe you should be happy that your girlfriend offers to come by with coffee and bagels when you pull all-nighters
and drops off lunches for you on campus when you're here all day
and likes hockey and curling and wants you to go see John K Sampson
instead of spilling your coffee on yourself gesturing about how you wish she wouldn't

I think the problem is, actually, you're a jerk
and your antics aren't fooling anyone
except those two girls you're sitting with
I guess.