Tagged: uncategorized
It's Friday night
- by admin
we're sitting in The Fyxx and I am drinking an Italian soda that tastes like a creamsicle because they're out of club soda, so it has orange San Pelegrino in it instead, and it's vanilla, so, creamsicle.maybe we're getting old and uncool because we don't have party plans for tonight but there's free wifi and we're sharing the best brownie ever and 90's hip hop is on and I'm happy.
the first time I came to The Fyxx was when I was 17 and it's embarrassing to tell you how sheltered and horrible I was. I was wish my friend Rae-Annon who looking back was much, much cooler than I am and I had an espresso for the first time and it was suck a shock to my system it's like I was drunk
after dinner and espresso and Italian soda we sat on the stoop of a store across the street and I remember being scared of everything
news flash: Tyrone says "know what'd be sweet? Getting a back tattoo that's a tattoo of someone giving you a back tattoo, which is a tattoo of someone giving you a back tattoo, and it just continues on like that" so now I am googling 'recursion' and this is what it came up with:
I was going to go back to being 17 and scared of everything and stories about that, but we just saw a drug deal go down for reals.
the dude in a silver car with BC plates rolled up outside the fyxx and this sketchy lady who's been sitting with two other sketchy dudes on a bench across the street went over to the car just like she knew who they were. they talked, the window went down. she walked away and stashed something in her pocket.
not that it's my business, but that's some pretty sloppy drug-dealing if you ask me. this isn't exactly a bad part of town and there are people walking around.
oh, now she's doling it out to her friends. what could it be?
my guess is meth.
now there's one guy left eating poutine by himself, his friends are gone off to do their drugs I guess but he's still sitting there with his drugs on him, eating his poutine from Smokes's Poutinerie.
guy has his priorities in order.
I had a dream last night
- by admin
that myself and some others were on our way home from Connect and staying in this person's house for some reason, though in real life it's only an eight hour drive that's how dreams workit was the house of someone I've never even met in real life, only someone I've heard about in passing so it makes no sense that we'd be there but regardless, it was a sty
towards the end of the dream we were in this crazy messy house and I kept hearing this super annoying chiming sound, like a ringtone on a phone or something
so I'm running around this house in my dream looking for the source of this sound and Ty is sitting on the bed and Alex-lee is sitting at the computer and I'm yelling at them
help me find this sound I'm going crazy
and I open up this wall vent and taped inside is a cordless phone which appears to be the cause of this sound. I look and the batteries are duct-taped in and I rip off the duct tape and pull out the batteries
but the sound keeps on going
so I'm running around this house like a madwoman ripping open drawers and looking under couches and yelling at Ty and Alex-lee for not helping me, and I tear open another vent and find a blackberry stuffed inside with the batteries taped into it and I think
this guy is playing a prank on me
so I pull the batteries out but the sound keeps going and going and I feel like I'm going out of my mind in this dream
and then I wake up and realize that the sound is coming from Ty's iPhone which is in the kitchen and going off because he's in the shower. So I haul myself out of bed still half-asleep, turn off the alarm and lie down trying to get back the extra fifteen minutes of sleep that I've been robbed of.
and that's why we had a fight this morning*
* we didn't have a fight. i lied.
Know why I love the Internet?
- by admin
I can only hope that #HalfPintsThursday this evening with the tweeps is half as weird and zany as this video, but somehow I doubt it.
Somehow I don't think we can top this.
Nobody can.
Hi front yard cat
- by admin
Hi Alyson
I can't talk to you right now, I'm too upset
upset about what? it's sunny out and the grass feels good. look. I'm rolling around in it. come lie in the grass with me
I'm just going to sit here for a second, I ran three miles at the gym and I'm tired and I'm going to cry
don't cry, cryings for pussies. like me. get it?
you're not funny, front yard cat
I saw you smile
I'm too upset, I just found out my student loan isn't big enough to cover even my fall term this year
that's shitty, why would they do that? You work really hard, I'm always here in the front yard watching you come and go, I see it
they think I make too much, though all my money goes towards bills and rent
what are you going to do? want to share my grasshopper I'm eating?
no that's gross. and I don't know, try and fight with them to cover more and hope for the best I guess
when do you think it's going to be resolved?
I don't know
how about I headbutt you until you feel better
no
what's in here? I'm just going to hang out here for a whilestop that, get out of my bag
no I like it here
get out
I'm staying here until you cheer up
I'm going inside now, goodbye
I'll always be here to swat at your ankles in the morning if you need me
I know, I love you front yard cat
Alyson vs Microsoft
- by admin
Microsoft:
SEE HOW ONE BUSINESS IS ACCOMPLISHING MORE WITH OFFICE USING OFFICE 365
Alyson:
Stop emailing me Microsoft, I have an iMac
most girls like horror movies
- by admin
let me re-phrase that: most girls like horror movies so they can cuddle under blankets and hold boys hands during the scary parts and squeal and be cute. when I was in highschool my friend Eric was all like
"you have to come over and watch The Thing with me. in the dark."
and he was my best friend at the time so we sat in his basement in the dark watching The Thing but because he was my friend I couldn't hold his hand during the scary parts so I got more and more stressed out, and when the scene where dude who is actually an alien's chest opens up and chomps off that dude's arms he grabbed me around my middle to scare me and I screamed and flailed and hit him in the face with my elbow
which serves him right.
he was this weird squirrelly dude and we'd do nerdy stuff like watch Star Trek: DS9 and play the original Fallout games together. He taught me how to play Trivial Pursuit which was a stupid idea because the version he had was from the 1970's before either of us was born and the only answer we knew was "NCC-1701" which is the serial number on the Enterprise which we only knew from watching DS9 all the time
he was the only person I knew who had a decent enough internet connection that he could download stuff quickly so we would hunker down and watch whole seasons of anime like Cowboy Bebop, Trigun and Serian Experiments: Lain between raiding his moms fridge and harassing her into ordering us pizza hut
when we were in school together he would bring these huge sandwiches for lunch with giant slabs of tomato and cheese with cold cuts and lettuce. I lived for these sandwiches and would try to pawn off the lame pudding cups and cheese and crackers my mom packed for me for even half a sandwich but he only gave in once and a while, which I respected.
eventually we slept together which ruined everything, as sex usually does
and that was just the end of that.
when this comes out in theatres I'm going to go and see it not just because it's Daniel Radcliffe not being Harry Potter but because it looks creepy and Victorian, both of which I like. Because we love each other Ty is going to come with me and I am going to make him hold my hand during the scary parts
I like to think I learned something from being friends with Eric.
Michelle Bachmann insulted Elvis today
- by admin
okay she actually just mixed up his birthday with the day he died (today), and wished him a happy birthday because she's s-m-r-t like that and on top of not knowing anything about the following things:
politics
human rights
Nazis
Communists
Socialists
Muslims
education
health care
or essentially anything else she went and demonstrated that she can't even bother to look up the date that the King of Rock and Roll was born, and which he died before trying to be cool and failing
thank god for The Internet catching that one, I hope she watches that video and is ashamed of herself
I mean how can you expect anyone to listen to you when you can't even get that right?
I don't get politics
Hip Sunday #11: Filthy Animals - Killing Me
- by admin
locals Filthy Animals
shot during last year's Winnipeg Zombie Walk
kickass ish
Happy Hip Hop Sunday
Made up a shot last night
- by admin
it's called the "Dirty Asshole" and it's got Crown Royal, Bols Yellow (banana), and you coat the rim of the shotglass in NutellaI didn't do one, but you can see Jason doing one here:
notice the tongue action
last night we gathered to send off our good friend mrghosty before he moves to the big TO to study hacker and video game culture (best grad school studies ever)
but he'll be back for Nuit Blanche but we'll miss him until then
so we stuffed our faces with beers, weird shots, and more BBQ goodness than you can shake a stick at
surprisingly there was little hangover today which is nice and to which I completely credit the double cheeseburger I inhaled from McDonalds while we were waiting for the cab to take us home since I wore wedge heels and that was silly
tonight we're staying in and drinking sake while making home-made real sushi sandwiches
I Don't Have a Problem With Jesus, It's His Friends I Don't Like
- by admin
a collection of poems* by Alyson S.An open letter to Gov. Perry
Dear governor Rick
please stop calling to Jesus
it's scaring people
Plural Marriage
What's wrong with polygamy?
I can't seem to find the cause
people say that it's immoral
and pass all sorts of laws
the restrict the rights of second wives
and third, and fourth, and fifth
try to brush it underneath the rug
like plural marriage is a myth
seems like things would be better
if we legalized their rights
they wouldn't have to live on compounds
which are pretty scary sights
Mormons, they seem pretty strange
other people can't abide
they say "my religion says that yours is wrong"
and don't want to coincide
but having one wife is hard enough
the last time that I checked
so maybe we should mind our own
and give the husband more respect.
Converting - a Limerick
There once was a young man from Sens
who tried to convert all his friends
he tried and he tried
and insulted their pride
and they left him alone in the end
Jehovas
Look out the window
men with bibles at the door
No, not answering
*I'm fully aware that my poetry skills are sub-par
