I know this isn't a very good song

by a band that isn't all that great, really.

But sometimes I get it in my head and can't get it out no matter how hard I shake it or listen to Royal Canoe.

The first time I really listened to it

I mean really listened

was while walking down the street in Hamilton when I lived there.

It was spring but still cold and I was walking around puddles and I was sad because I missed Winnipeg and everyone in it, even though I would have never admitted it at the time -to myself or to anyone.

I walked around and was thinking about my boyfriend and my life and how lonely I was even though I'd left on what was supposed to be this grand, life-changing adventure

it didn't really change me at all

at least, not until after it was over, anyway.

This song was on a playlist that my then-boyfriend had put together for me and as I walked through the weird, kinda-scary tunnel under the train track hill to pick up my sushi and sashimi Saturday night dinner for one I realized

you hold me down.

Which is never a good feeling

because things got complicated after that.